may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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