At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
