yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
