im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the day after is always just damage control
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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