I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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