just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
