Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
