Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
