I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
