i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
