Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
