I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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