At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
