I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
