She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
