Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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