Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
