So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
