I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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