Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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