brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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