and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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