Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
