Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
