You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
