Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
