in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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