I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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