if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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