Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
