I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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