Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
