He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
