Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You were trust falling into bushes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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