$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
