If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
