You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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