i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
