you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
