i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
