Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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