Sponge bath it is.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
