Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
