White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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