Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
