I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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