um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
