Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
