Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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