I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I AM VODKA MAN
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
