if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
