i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
