Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
