I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
