I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
