There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
