the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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