oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
