i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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