it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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