In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if only i could text you this smell
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
