her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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