She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
